Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Rather Sad Day . . .

20 years ago today I lost my Mom.

Sometimes it feels like it was a lifetime ago, other times it feels like it was just yesterday.  It's odd how you remember certain aspects of certain days but can draw a total blank about others.  I remember it was very cold, and the roads were covered in black ice.  I remember it took forever to the ambulance to get to our house (but in reality it was probably only about 10 minutes).  I remember the firefighters who responded scraped the ceiling of the stairway with their helmets while going up the stairs.  Other than those fleeting memories, I don't remember much until we finally were able to laugh later that afternoon at the large number of fruit baskets we were received (all from John's Fruit Store - I think the same guy delivered all of them!).

I'm always amazed when people say "I don't know what I would do if my mother died" - it's not like you are given a choice.  God doesn't come down to you and say "I'm going to make this terrible thing happen - do you think you can handle it now or do you want me to hold off for a couple of years?".  It happens and you have to make it through.  Some days were harder than others, but pain does fade with time.  But it is always there - every time I see a cardinal in a tree outside my kitchen door, when I see a rug she made or come across an old Barbie outfit she knitted, or find a photo of her while sorting through the hundreds of pictures I keep in boxes.

Everything happens for a reason, but I do wish she had met my husband and seen my children.  But I'm sure in her own way she does see them and know them, but it is sad they will never know her.

For now, I'm sure she is somewhere with many friends, family members (and Mist!) who have gone to join her in the years since she passed (trying to avoid the people that she didn't like on Earth!), doing everything she never had time to do in her time here.  Miss you Mum!

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